So in an effort to expose my blog and
beliefs a bit more (harder than it sounds), I've been scouring the
internet and joining a handful of other sites, forums, and blogs. Two
in particular stood out to me, however not for any good reasons.
The first one was psychforums.
Despite the fact that I could barely register, what with the site
continually giving me error messages and logging me out with every
mouse click, the forums were so heavily policed it was insane. When
trying to choose a username, I was met with the message that it
contained disallowed words. The username I was aiming for was
ModernSociopath, my normal handle. Apparently sociopath, psychopath,
and psycho are words they don't consider appropriate for users to go
by. Further reading into the forum's rules, terms, and guidelines, I
found that it was a forum more geared towards “recovery” and people seeking a helpful community that shared their disorder.
It all screamed to me that any notion
of glorifying, enjoying, or accepting one's sociopathy (self
diagnosed or professionally) would be discouraged to the fullest
extent. Still, I decided to browse.
Topics ran wide, but many
things still turned me away. Namely, the peer hate I noticed all over the
forum threads. Nothing up front and glaring, but definitely
noticeable. A snide remark here, a disbelief there. So many petty
people ragging on each other, despite all of them being in the same
forum for the same thing. The second issue I had was with the
“titles” users had given themselves. Recovering Anti-social PD.
Bipolar Stage1. Type A ASP. Type B schizophrenic. Professionally
diagnosed borderline. I don't even know what those mean. Are they real?
It was as if many of the users had something to
prove by posting their diagnosis, which made no sense to me. A badge? For what? There's no one to
prove you right or wrong. You're just needlessly fluffing yourself
up.
The other site I found I didn't like
was theexperienceproject. I joined, noticed a group titled I Am a
Sociopath, and posted. I posted a message about how I was living the
sociopathic renaissance that's been happening these past couple of
years and loved seeing how many people were owning up to what they
believed they were. My post was immediately met with another user who
claimed I wasn't a “true sociopath”.
I have since deleted both accounts.
I guess I could understand this
behavior better if I knew fully that all these other users were,
indeed, fellow socios. We're combative, secretive, mean, and always looking to win a fight. But I doubt that is the case. I think the majority of them
are just lonely internet trolls.
But still, if these were the
reactions I was getting online, what kind of reaction would this blog
be getting?
Well, maybe I can help you check off a
few things that I'm not.
I am not an angsty teenager.
I was never abused, suicidal,
depressive, or harmful to myself (as in a cutter would be).
I'm not some bitter loser living in my
parent's basement.
I'm not a sad virgin or some loner
looking for an angle to make me interesting.
I'm not some Sherlock/Dexter/The
Following fangeek (though I like two of those shows).
To say the reactions I
saw and had on both these sites were disappointing would be correct. I
was hoping for something different. Admittedly I wasn't expecting a strong community of
sociopaths giving each other virtual pats on the back, but certainly
not a bunch of weirdo internet trolls taking over whole forums
dedicated to something they probably don't even care about or can truly
relate to.
Oh well, I guess.
What else can I do besides hope that,
in time, I'll be able to weed out the fakes and trolls from the true
like minded who've taken to the web like I have.
I can't be the only one. Can I?
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